These days pretty much everyone has heard the term. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and psychological manipulation where someone intentionally makes you doubt your own memory, perception, or even your sanity. It happens over time and makes you rely entirely on the other person's version of reality. It is clever and patient deception.
The term “gaslighting” derives from a 1938 stage play titled “Gas Light” by British playwright Patrick Hamilton. The play was later adapted into two famous films in 1940 and 1944. The plot behind the name of the play and movies is basically this: a husband tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind so that he can steal her valuable jewellery. And so he secretly dims the gas-powered lamps in the house and hides things. When his wife eventually notices the lights dimming and items missing, he tells her she is imagining it all. In the years following the movies, gaslighting became a psychological term for clinicians. Psychologists and anthropologists began using the word in the 1960s to describe a specific style of emotional abuse in marriage, in particular, but today it describes when a person uses lies, denial and manipulation to make someone else doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Some of the usual gaslighter responses are, “That never happened”, or “You are making things up”, or “You’re just imaging things”. They trivialise feelings telling you that, “You’re being too sensitive" or “You are overreacting”, or “It’s not that bad”, and so on. And then there is blame shifting where it’s really you that caused them to act the way they did. Abusers use this technique as standard practice. I’m sure you’re recognising this cycle of confusion that makes you feel like you are going nuts or losing the plot, that “maybe it IS me”, and that you cannot trust your own judgment anymore.
Romantic partners may use it to gain power and control. Parents or relatives might deny past events or invalidate feelings, and in the workplace bosses or co-workers might deny agreements or feedback to undermine your confidence, or claim credit for the work you have done. But wait, there’s more. A doctor is telling you that your physical pain is "all in your head" or is downplaying severe symptoms. Or even church leaders telling someone with some kind of demonic affliction that it’s not real or is the product of an over-active mind. Or worse, “You’re being paranoid.” We could go on and on about all this, I know.
In a nutshell gaslighting aims at distorting reality through manipulation to confuse someone and create uncertainty in order to control the narrative, social policy development, the outcome, or just grab power.
The Victorian government gaslighted the citizenry during the COVID lockdowns with “we have to trust the science”, and we found out later the science was false (and was confessed to be dodgy by the former Victorian Health Officer). We are being gaslighted by the transgender lobby which has infiltrated many levels of government and the corporate world with their overly influential agenda preaching that gender fluidity is normal and has always been there, we’ve just suppressed it. Their influence has shaped a lot of education and social policy to the point that many Australians are left wondering “is it just me?” We are being gaslighted by revisionist historians (if we can even call them historians at all) who continue to revise, recast and distort Australian history without any actual evidence. The result? Many of us are being made to feel bad, guilty and responsible for events of two hundred years ago some of which is pure fiction. A classic example of this is Bruce Pascoe’s book, “Dark Emu”, that presents a history of first nations people that has been debunked by dozens of well-respected and qualified historians. Yet Pascoe’s book of fiction is a standard text in tertiary and secondary teaching campuses and is used to distort reality until students and succeeding generations don’t know any better. They believe the distortion.
That’s what gaslighting does, it distorts reality, presents it as normal, and causes you to doubt yourself.
Then there is the global warming movement that gaslighted us with alarmist and unproven “science” that began to unravel when real and courageous scientific critique was applied and then, suddenly, it all became “climate change” instead. Same gaslighting agenda, different name.
In the garden that was in Eden, the serpent gaslighted Eve. He never outright contradicted God, but cleverly manipulated her by distorting reality just enough to cause her to become unsure of herself. The enemy is still doing this.
So, what is the remedy for gaslighting? Well, that’s a huge topic for another day. Suffice to say here that, at a personal level, say, at work or other environments where we work with others, keep a diary. I do. And a diary, when used in the moment, not a month later, provides prima facie evidence that can be relied upon.
At another level, the enemy of God’s people is always gaslighting us. The remedy for us, at this level? Memorising scripture and knowing the Word of God - well. The devil tried to gaslight Jesus when He was alone in the wilderness. In fact, the devil’s first attempt was to try and get Jesus to doubt who He was …
Matthew 4:3 (NIV) The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."
The attempt was subtle but Jesus sees it coming because He knows the Word and is ready. He responds with memorised scripture …
Matthew 4:4 (NIV) Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
In every instance of being tempted or being gaslighted by the enemy Jesus’ automatic response was with the Word of God. We need to be ready to do the same. This does not mean that we walk around in a constant state of being suspicious of everyone and everything – that is paranoia. No, we feed on God’s Word, and memorise it, so that our discernment grows to a very confident level where we just know, without doubt, we are being gaslighted. Strong discernment allows us to know in such a way that we do not doubt ourselves and we have scriptural back up front of mind. Discernment is the means by which we interpret the world around us, too, it’s values and agendas designed to deceive us. The other thing the scripture gives us is wisdom, which is in short supply in the world these days. Wisdom is from God and is His perspective on reality. We need that perspective more than ever. In many places in our world gaslighting has become an artform. It is not just spin, it’s much more than that. We need to be aware and wise and not be fooled, without losing our grace.
Matthew 10:16 (NIV)
"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”
Memorise scripture, dwell in it, absorb it. Grow in discernment and wisdom.
Ps Milton